Chapter Seventeen

Megan was wearing fuzzy flannel pajamas with a pattern of sheep jumping over the moon and, Alex noticed as he got his seat belt put on, pink bunny slippers.

“It’d be great if you could start needing to be rescued at more convenient times, Mr. Minor,” Megan said.

“Sorry to wake you, Megan,” Alex said.

“It’s nothing,” Megan said.  “Anyway, I guess I need to praise you on your improving stealth.  Parking well away from the office and then not getting noticed when you went back to the car is a good start.  It doesn’t even seem like you’re being chased this time around.”

She put the Camaro in drive, and they took off, taking the back streets and giving the spot where Alex had left the Cutlass a wide berth.

Alex was completely exhausted, and didn’t care to try for a repeat of the last conversation he’d had with Megan, so he kept his mouth shut as they drove.

After several minutes, Megan said, “So, there’s no way in hell I’m driving all the way out to the farm house and back tonight.  And I’m not all that interested in spending the night there just so I can hustle back here to civilization again tomorrow morning with all the other rush hour casualties.  So we’re going back to my place, and you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“You can just bring me to a hotel, you don’t have to…” Alex started to say, before Megan interrupted him.

“Right, and then I’ll have to pick you up again tomorrow.  Nope, I’m not doing that.  You’re staying on the couch,” Megan said. “I’ve got a horribly scratchy army surplus blanket just for people who need a couch to crash on in the middle of the night.”

“OK, then thanks,” Alex said.   “An army blanket doesn’t bother me.”

“That’s good,” Megan said.  “Because the cat probably will.  He doesn’t take kindly to strangers.”

“You know, I really don’t mind a hotel.  It seems like I’m really intruding…” Alex said.

“Nonsense.  Anyway, just try not to act like prey and Malcolm will probably leave you alone,” Megan said.

“Your cat is named Malcolm?” Alex said.

“As long as you don’t piss him off.  Because if you do, he’ll insist on being called Mr. Cuddlestorm,” Megan said.  “Between you and me, he’s a touch eccentric.”

“Well, OK, in that case I’ll do my best to stay in his good graces.  And I won’t act tasty.”

“Good plan,” Megan said.

A few minutes later they arrived at Megan’s apartment.  Alex checked his watch and was shocked to see that it was nearly three o’clock in the morning.  He’d been up for a long time.

Megan put her key in the door, turned it, and said, “Something’s not right,” just before opening the door.

“What’s wrong?” Alex said.  He was exhausted, but every new development was giving him another surge of adrenaline.

Just then the door opened with some force, and hands in a pair of black leather gloves reached out of the darkness and grabbed Megan, pulling her inside.

Alex’s adrenaline kicked in once again, and he had just enough time to wonder how many times that can happen in a day before it stops having an impact before rushing through the door to help her.  Someone standing to the side, that Alex hadn’t seen, grabbed him as well.

As Alex struggled against whoever was holding him, he heard the sounds of another altercation in the room, and realized that after every meaty thump, it was a man’s voice grunting in pain.  Alex heard somebody fall, and seconds later the lights came on. 

Megan was walking away from the lightswitch, back towards the man on the floor, who was struggling to his feet again.  She kicked him, hard, in the gut and he fell back to the floor.

Alex heard whoever was holding his arms hiss when the lights came on, and realized that they’d been standing in the dark for who knows how long.  His assailant was probably temporarily blinded.

Alex took the opportunity and flung his head back as hard as he could.  He immediately regretted that move when he connected with the face of the man holding him.  However, he had apparently managed to connect with his assailant’s nose, and there had been an oddly satisfying crunch when it happened.  It made the pain in Alex’s head seem a little more worth it.

Alex took a step backwards, pushing against the person holding him, and then stomped down and back as hard as he could with his left foot.  The hands holding his arms loosened, and Alex took the opportunity to break free.  He spun around, grabbed the man who had been holding him by the hair, and drove his head into the door several times. 

It made a huge racket, and answering thumps on the wall came from the neighboring apartments.  The man he’d been fighting slumped down to the floor. 

Alex turned to try and help Megan, and instead found her hog-tying the man she’d been fighting.  She seemed to be using a little more force than was strictly necessary, and Alex thought he heard her mutter something along the lines of “fucking guy getting his blood all over my slippers.”

Just then, there was a terrible wailing noise from the kitchen, followed by a hiss, and a panicked, “Jesus Christ!”

A third man came staggering into the room from the kitchen, apparently entirely preoccupied with something on his chest.

“Get it off of me, get it off of me!” he shouted.

Alex realized there was a cat clinging to the man, and the cat was apparently doing his worst to the intruder.   

As the man staggered around the room, he tripped over a footstool and fell backwards.  The back of his head connected solidly with the coffee table.  The coffee table emerged the victor in that fight.

Malcolm sat on the now unconscious man’s chest, and began purring.

“Good job, Malcolm.  Who’s a good kitty?  Yes you are,” Megan said. 

Alex had been watching Malcolm and the man in the kitchen struggle, and hadn’t noticed Megan was already right next to him, tying up the man who had attacked him.

“When did you get over here?” Alex said, surprised.  She’s like a freakin’ ninja, he thought.

“Ages ago,” Megan said, with a grunt as she tightened a knot.  “Unlike some people, I’m very stealthy.”

“I guess,” Alex muttered to himself.

Megan stood up, and walked over to the man Malcolm was still sitting on.  She gave Malcolm a few pets, and then said, “OK, Malcolm, let me tie him up now.”

To Alex’s amazement, Malcolm stood up and moved to the coffee table.

“Does he always do what you tell him to?” Alex said.

“He does if he feels like it.  He’s usually very cooperative, though,” Megan said. 

She finished tying a knot, and said, “There!”

“Should we check to see if there’s anyone else hiding here in your apartment?” Alex said.

Megan raised an eyebrow, and said, “We can if you like, but if someone else was here Malcolm would have flushed them out already.”

“OK,” Alex said.  He looked at the three intruders tied up on the floor, and said, “So what now?  Do we call the police?”

“What are they going to do?” Megan said.  “They were in here of all places.  The only people who would come in here have people with deep pockets backing them up.  The police will ultimately just let them go, only we’ll have to deal with a bunch of annoying questions before they do.  No, we’ve got people who can deal with this kind of thing.  We’ve got a guy who will take them just across the border into South Dakota and leave them on the side of the road with a stern warning and a coupon for The Sizzler.”

“Do they have The Sizzler in South Dakota?” Alex said.  Then he wondered if Minnesota even had The Sizzler.  He couldn’t remember ever seeing one, or even an ad for one.

“I’m pretty sure the closest one is in Idaho, actually,” Megan said.  She had her phone out and was in the middle of sending somebody a text message.

“So, I have to ask, why give them a coupon for The Sizzler?” Alex said.

“Because fuck them, that’s why,” Megan said. 

“Fair enough,” Alex said.  It was tough to argue with logic like that.

After a couple of minutes of silence, while Megan gave Malcolm a few kitty treats, Alex said, “Have you got any idea who these guys are?”

“Not really,” Megan said.  “Do you recognize any of them?”

Alex took another good look at the three of them.  They were all wearing dark suits, and black leather gloves, and he was fairly confident he hadn’t ever seen them before.

“I can’t say that I do.  Should we go through their pockets and look for some ID or something along those lines?” Alex said.

“Do you really think it’s likely they’re carrying anything that would identify them?” Megan said.  She pulled back one of their jackets to show where the label should be.  It had been neatly cut out.

“People actually do that?” Alex said.  “I thought that was just Hollywood bullshit.”

“It is, but some people seem to enjoy living up to Hollywood bullshit.  Did you know that a lot of the current mafia culture actually comes from mob movies, instead of the other way around?  Anyway, these guys aren’t going to have any convenient business cards to let us know who sent them.”

Alex thought about that for a second, and then said, “OK.  Are you worried they might come back though?  Next time you might walk in to find six guys in suits waiting for you.”

“Well, I can dare to dream,” Megan said.  Then she half-smiled and said, “None of these guys are going to come back to get their asses handed to them again by a woman in bunny slippers and her cat, Mr. Minor.”

There was a subdued knock at the front door then.  Megan opened it, and Alex recognized the driver from Expedient Car Service.  He had two other men with him, that Alex didn’t recognize.

“Megan, Mr. Minor,” the Driver said.  “So, the usual deal for these three?”

“If you don’t mind,” Megan said.

“I don’t mind at all.  Though, it would be great if you could help us carry these three out to the cars, Mr. Minor,” the driver said.

Alex was caught off guard, and said, “Of course,” before he thought about it.  As such, he ended up carrying the feet of one of the men, while the driver carried him by the shoulders.  Alex was glad Megan had tied them all up – it made carrying them much easier.

Outside, there were three identical cars parked in a line.  If they weren’t lined up that way, they’d be entirely non-descript.  No one would even give them a second glance.

As Alex and the driver loaded the man they were carrying into the back seat of one of the cars, Alex said, “Are you really going to take them across the state border into South Dakota, and give them coupons for The Sizzler?”

The driver cracked a grin, and said, “Well, that’s what we usually do.  This time, though, I’ve got coupons for half off a chili dog at Der Wienerschnitzel. Between the three of them, they ought to save about a buck fifty, once they find one of their restaurants.”

They made another trip for the third man, and then Alex went back inside while the driver and his associates drove off, presumably towards South Dakota.

Back inside, Alex saw that Megan had put a pillow and a folded up army surplus blanket on the couch, as well as a can of beer on the coffee table.

“I thought you’ve probably earned a beer today, though I won’t be insulted if you just go to sleep before you drink it.  The white remote control on the table will shut the lights off for you.  Good night, Mr. Minor,” Megan said.

“Wow, thanks,” Alex said.  “Good night.”

Alex sat down on the couch, and had just barely managed to think about reaching for the beer before he fell fast asleep.